What does self-care mean?

by Alexandra Kobayashi

Self-care is a buzz word that has been circulating recently. Have you ever been confused about what it means? It can be hard to define because it means different things to different people. 

Below are four pillars of self-care that can be considered and implemented in daily practice. 

1. Self-care is thinking about and practicing self-compassion.

Simply put, embracing a responsibility to treat yourself with care and concern, just like the way you treat someone you love with compassion and understanding. It is easy to offer empathy to others and hard to offer it to ourselves.

How do you practice self-compassion?
One example is to release the grip on the relentless “should” that comes up when something does not work out in a predicted way. I should have done that, I shouldn’t have said this. We are not mind readers or future predictors. 

Mistakes are normal and can be a doorway to a new perspective and a new path. We can extract the learning while still being kind. 

2. Self-care is self-discipline. 

It is hard to find motivation to exercise, eat healthy, sleep adequately, and set a schedule. They are not always inherently satisfying. At the same time, these four building blocks are key regulators to health, thus serving a higher purpose.

Optimal health and mental health help us work on goals, participate meaningfully in tasks and show up for people. Finding purpose to do something where the motivational impacts may be delayed takes self-discipline.

Taking care of your mind and body in the long run is worth it.  

3. Self-care is self-preservation. 

Have boundaries with work, life and yourself. Researcher and social worker, Brené Brown, talks about boundaries in a simple way that sticks: what is okay and what is not okay. Boundaries that give too much away can leave us feeling depleted, burnt out and taken advantage of. Boundaries that are too rigid can deprive us of taking risks and diminish our capacity for empathy.

Balance happens when we can act as flexible and insightful gatekeepers to our time, energy and acts of service. You are the best consultant and enforcer to say what is okay and not okay for you; try to look inwards for a quiet moment and ask yourself. 

Don’t say yes when inside you’re shouting no. 

4. Self-care is finding what ignites joy and invites pleasure. 

This should not be confused with overindulgence. Joys and pleasures can be the small, non-highlight reel moments of life. They can also be goals related to work, relationships and life. 

Adults, just like children, get fed and nourished with play and having creative goals to set and work towards. Leaving our comfort zones at times, which is not always pleasant, can be necessary for growth. Stretching the mind, body and soul can allow us to live out our full potential or as close to it as we can envision. 

What is it, big or small, that sparks enjoyment, passion or potential in you? 

First published in The Taddler Fall 2020, Mental Health Corner by Taddle Creek Family Health Team. Republished with permission from the Author, Alexandra Kobayashi, Social Worker, Toronto.